Just Watch the Fireworks
by Shane C
Summary: A sort of song fic based on the Jimmy Eat World song called - you guessed it - Just Watch the Fireworks. On the heavy end of the T rating for a naughty word and some implied - but not explicit! - sexuality. Takes place toward the beginning of the series; mostly its just a few glimpses into the Animorphs' personal lives that Applegate would have never shown us.


**Lyrics in italics. Jimmy Eat World – ****Just Watch the Fireworks**

_Here, you can be anything,_

_I think that scares you._

_I've been here before, but only by myself._

Tobias pulled the gate against its locked chain until it was open just enough for an underfed boy and a thin girl to slip through the crack. He took Rachel's hand and pulled her through, his feet easily finding the familiar path to the stairs in the dark. Up and up the open-air stairwell they went, until they were as high as they could go. Twenty stories above the busy street below them, Tobias leaned easily over the rickety railing and watched the activity below. Heights hadn't bothered him before he'd been trapped as a bird, or else he probably would have chosen a different spot to get away from the nightmare that had been his life.

"Tobias, what are we doing here?" Rachel asked quietly. She didn't sound afraid of being somewhere she shouldn't, and that pleased Tobias. She _did _sound confused.

Without looking away from the scene below him, he answered just as quietly. "I wanted to show you this place. I used to come here…before." He didn't explain what he meant by before, and he didn't have to. "I felt like this was a safe place. Like I was above it all, here. This place made me feel in control, back when I wasn't in control of anything."

Not for the first time, Rachel's heart seemed to throb painfully as she tried to imagine the hell this boy had known. What kind of a life could he have had to where he actually felt _better _about being trapped in a hawk's body and cornered into fighting a war he'd never wanted? The throb eased as he finally turned to look at her, a goofy but sincere smile on his face.

"This is my last secret. I've never told anyone about this place. I wanted to show it to you. I wanted to let go of everything from before, and I wanted you with me while I did it. So, thanks for coming. I know it seems stupid, but -"

She didn't let him finish. She was too overwhelmed by her feelings for him. The unbridled trust had to be repaid, and had to be repaid immediately, so she did it in the only way she knew how – with a kiss. The two of them had kissed before, but this time was different. There was a ferocity in it that almost made Tobias feel like he was under attack, but he immediately surrendered. It was an attack that he needed, something that told him that he was cared for. Loved. The words Rachel spoke as they broke for air were just perfunctory; he already knew. "I love you," she said aggressively.

He smiled his real smile, the one he only saved for Rachel. "I know," he said earnestly. "I think you know that I love you, too."

His words seemed to fuel her aggression. She was completely caught up in the moment, and she pressed on. Pressed on, and against the boy who she'd never meant to fall for, but had. "Prove it," she whispered against his lips. "If you love me, then prove it." Her voice had a rough texture he'd never heard before. Before he could reply, she was taking his shirt off. He let her.

They made love for the first time on the terrace outside of a crumbling, condemned senior citizens home. After it was through, they held each other and had the same thought at the same time. No matter how, or who, or where…the physical act of love would never mean as much to either of them as it had right in that moment. That island of peace in the sea of violence would be enough to get them through anything.

_What giving up gives you,_

_And where giving up takes you,_

_I've had and I've been_

He was done.

It wasn't just talk this time, it wasn't just an attempt to bluff himself. He threw the gym bag on his bed and began stuffing it with everything he could find. He couldn't even see what he was packing through the blur of the tears in his eyes. He grabbed something that might have been a pair of socks. Here, a balled-up shirt. He jammed them into his bag so hard that he heard the stitching tear.

"What am I staying for?" Marco asked the empty air of his bedroom. "Just what the hell do I have to gain by it?"

His dad? That was a joke. His dad couldn't even take care of himself. He was downstairs right now, in an open robe, sprawled across the couch. The man was destroyed already. You can't disappoint someone who doesn't have any emotions left, and it would be safer for him if Marco hit the bricks, anyway.

His mom? He was never going to get her back, and any illusion to the contrary was just that – an illusion. Did he honestly think he was going to be able to starve the supreme commander of the Yeerk's forces out of its host and just waltz away into the sunset? That was nothing but the overactive imagination of an idiotic child.

Jake? Sure, he'd miss his old best bud, and Marco would miss him, too. But Jake would go on without him. Jake would go on without _anybody_.

Cassie? Rachel? Tobias? Just random kids he'd gotten stuck with. Sure, Marco had grown to respect them. Maybe even like them, sometimes. But were they worth dying for? As Marco asked himself the question, he was surprised when a voice deep down inside of him said, "Yes. They are. And you know it."

"Shut the fuck _up!_" he snarled to himself as he zipped the bag. Nobody was going to talk him out of it this time, not even his own traitor brain. Or heart. Or whatever had spoken up inside of him. He tossed the bag over his shoulder and blindly stumbled down the stairs.

He didn't bother saying good bye to his father, even though he was ten feet away on the couch. He might as well have been a million miles away. It shocked him when, with his hand on the doorknob, his dad said, "Marco? Where are you going?" He seemed to notice the bag on his son's shoulder. "Staying over at Jake's?"

The boy was stunned enough that his dad had even noticed him. Shocked even more that he showed an actual interest in anything going on with him. He wasn't ready for it, and his will to leave faltered. "Uh…yeah. I'll…you know. I'll be back."

His dad looked at him with an expression that was unfathomable. "Okay. Yeah." Marco went to turn the knob before he could lose his nerve. "Hey, wait." Marco turned around uncomfortably. He knew if he didn't leave within the next five seconds, he'd never be able to.

He seemed to stumble over the words he wanted to say, but he finally got them out. "I love you, son. And I'm sorry for…for this," he gestured to himself sitting weakly on the couch. "I'm trying to get out of it. I swear to God I am. I'm going to make things better for us, Marco…I just need time." He seemed to fall back into the stupor that had claimed him for the last two years. "Anyway…I just wanted to say that. That I love you."

Holding back the tears as well as he could, Marco resignedly slung his bag into the corner of the living room and mounted the stairs to go back to his bedroom. "I know. I love you, too." He sighed heavily, knowing he would have only gotten a few blocks away before he turned around, anyway.

_Just so I can hear you,_

_I stay up as late as it takes,_

_As long as it takes._

_I promised I'd see it again,_

_I promised I'd see this with you, now._

Cassie was sitting on the back porch of her house, waiting. When she'd crept outside, the glowing clock on the stove had read 3:14 AM. She'd been outside for almost an hour, and she was beginning to think he wouldn't come tonight. He had said he would, and Jake wasn't one to break a promise lightly, but…

As she had the thought, she heard the wind chime just inside of the barn jingling away. She realized that there was no wind on this night, and that it must be Jake signaling her. She walked down the path between the house and the barn, resisting the urge to break out into a run.

There he was, standing there in his morphing outfit, his hand still around the string at the bottom of the chime. He walked over to her and wrapped her up into a tight hug, which she returned. "I thought for a minute you'd given up on me," he said softly against her hair as he savored her unique smell.

"You know better than that," she replied. He finally let her out of the embrace, and grabbed a thick wool blanket from behind some old farm implements. Hand in hand, they made their way into the field behind the barn. They walked until they couldn't see the white trim of the structure through the darkness anymore.

Jake spread the blanket over the dewy grass and lay on his back. He patted the blanket beside him, and Cassie lay herself down in a similar position. They just held hands and gazed up at the stars, so different out in the country from seeing them in the city. There was one short kiss, but that was all. There didn't need to be any more.

They both needed this, periodically. They needed the togetherness and the peace of just being with each other. There was very little said, but that's not to say they didn't communicate. Little squeezes of the hand, Cassie shifting her leg to touch more of Jake's – these things were comforting to the two of them, and they enjoyed the simplicity of it all.

First the stars dimmed, then seemed to disappear as the sky imperceptibly brightened with the coming dawn. Reluctantly, they stood, and Jake rolled up the blanket. "Guess I'd better go," he said.

"Guess you'd better," Cassie whispered back. She took the blanket from him, and he took a quick kiss from her. She watched him as he started to morph into a peregrine falcon, and turned to walk back home as he finished.

(Thanks, Cassie,) Jake said in thought-speech as he spread his wings to fly home.

"Thank you, Jake," she replied in the same tone.


End file.
